Cucumber falls flat on C4 with less than 1m live viewers
16 years after Russell T Davies first introduced an unprepared national audience to Manchester’s Canal Street on Queer as Folk, the writer/producer was back to his old stomping ground with Cucumber (Channel 4, 9pm), this time exploring the lives of middle-aged gay men in his searingly honest trademark fashion.
One part of a cross-platform enterprise, including E4’s Banana and 4oD’s Tofu, the first episode of Cucumber focused on a long-in-the-tooth couple figuring out what to do with their future together, leading to some truly cringeworthy scenes of emotional meltdowns.
In total just 974,000 viewers tuned in for Channel 4’s prime time drama, despite the inescapable promotional campaign, translating to a 4% share for the Northern-set histrionics.
Afterwards on youth channel E4, companion series Banana (10pm) took a similar path but focused on the younger characters in Channel 4’s drama. The more energetic show saw 19 year old Dean struggle with his active life, navigating his way through the trappings of his own making and pulling in a minuscule audience of 341,000 viewers and a 2% share.
While the trio of shows were always geared towards untraditional viewing methods, the lacklustre live figures must be somewhat of a disappointment for Channel 4.
Elsewhere in the prime time spot, ITV was also offering up some confused and sweaty young men of its own as the third episode of Bring Back Borstal (9pm) continued to crack the whip on broken Britain’s young tearaways.
1.6 million concerned viewers tuned in for the collective anxiety release as a scary drill sergeant continued to shout at the lost youth, netting a 7% share for ITV.
Over on BBC One, functional easy viewing Death in Paradise (9pm) treated viewers to yet another inconsequential and slightly amusing murder as the latest resident of Saint Marie met a sticky end.
The 9pm slot’s biggest audience gravitated towards BBC One as hapless human being/ fish-out-of-water-copper Kris Marshall had to deal with lots of red herrings in silly costumes after the president of the re-enactment heritage society was murdered with poison.
An average audience of 6.5 million viewers tuned in for Thursday’s taste of sun, sea and suspicion, resulting in a 29% share.
At the same time, Channel 5 continued to try and mentally destroy the incarcerated famous faces in Celebrity Big Brother (9pm), with a friendly debate resulting in Patsy Kensit rocking back and forth on the kitchen floor, at one point speaking for all right-minded people when she said at one point ‘I couldn’t watch this series’.
2.3 million viewers tuned in for the mental carnage, translating to a 10% share.
Thursday also brought good tidings for soap fans with the nation’s second and third favourite soaps pumping out not one, but two episodes each.
The first Emmerdale went out at 7pm on ITV and saw prodigal returnee Emma settle back into the relaxing pace of life in a small village. 6.4 million viewers and a 32% share tuned in at 7pm, with the second episode at 8pm falling to just 6 million viewers and a 27% share.
Over on BBC One, the Carters were having yet another fun night in on EastEnders as Mick and Linda finally shared the awful family secret with their traumatised children.
If that wasn’t enough, scary spectre Linda Carter finally opened up to Mick about his parentage, adding several layers of wrong to an already messed up situation.
The family, who only arrived on the Square twelve months ago with big smiles on their faces, have been key to the show’s recent popularity, culminating with scooping the big award in Wednesday’s National Television Awards.
The further torture of the once happy family helped the soap to secure the night’s top two spots. 7.2 million viewers (a 34% share) watched at 7:30pm, falling to 6.9 million an hour later as tetchy patriarch Stan took a turn for the worse, translating to a 29% share.
At 10pm, Channel 4 unleashed some contrived controversy with the very definition of Twitter-bait – Josie: The Most Hated Woman in Britain followed around her off the tabloids as she said random words designed to infuriate the establishment.
Over 1 million viewers (a 7% share) fell for the scam while the whole hullaballoo generated some spats on Twitter.
Overnight data is available each morning in mediatel.co.uk’s TV Database, with all BARB registered subscribers able to view reports for terrestrial networks and key multi-channel stations. Overnight data supplied by TRP are based on 15 minute slot averages. This may differ from tape checked figures, which are based on a programme’s actual start and end time.
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