How I became a victim of my own optimism

Media Leaders

I went from not knowing when my birthday is to being back to business in four months. But since then I’ve learned a big lesson about recovering from a serious injury and leadership.

Back in July I wrote a piece speaking about my experience following a cycling accident I was involved in earlier this year that broke my jaw and caused a bleed in my brain.

I spoke about all the lessons I’d learned and how I was going to take them forwards to create a better version of myself. I felt great – I shared my story of cycling into a tree and received some lovely feedback. People I hadn’t heard from in years reached out to let me know how my article helped them, thanking me for being totally honest and open about the stigma around brain injuries.

I felt so satisfied. I was finished with getting better and was ready to get on with things.

Or so I thought.

Turns out, that was ever-so-slightly wishful thinking. My recovery, and the lessons I’ve been learning haven’t stopped. They’ve just started.

Forgetting the most important lesson 

In the months after the accident, I started to do different things aimed at speeding up the healing process to get me in a better position to lead the team at Curious into our next chapter. Yoga, meditation, journaling, and general healthy living meant that come August I felt like I could take anything on again, tree or no tree. I’d figured it out. I was ready to get stuck back in.

Even writing that sentence out I can see my extreme naivety. Unfortunately, I was a victim of my own optimism and I genuinely believed I was all done with recovery; I could finally get on with things and look back at the time as nothing more than a rather odd few months.

I started to catch up on all projects I’d missed that had been moving through the studio in my absence – the team had done an amazing job at pulling together and we were busier than ever. So naturally I wanted to get stuck in. I needed to feel my purpose again. To be perfectly honest, I was fed up feeling like a spare part.

So I did just that – I spent the month of August coming into our new office in Soho, catching up with people, getting back to planning out what we wanted to do, feeling like I could conquer it all – I’d managed to do that with the tree so why not this? It was just another hurdle to get over as I adjusted my brain to deal with new pieces of information.  

But things soon got harder. I got carried away with my regained sense of purpose, and the lessons I’d banked up in my time off slipped away from me. The sudden shift in lifestyle swept over me and I struggled to re-adjust. My constant need to hurry up meant I was doing the exact opposite to what I’d preached about learning throughout my initial recovery.

I’d forgotten to be patient.

Slow down to speed up

It hadn’t even occurred to me that I might need to slow down as my recovery sped up. After all, I’d gone from not being able to remember when my birthday was to getting back to business in approximately four months. My physical injuries had healed up and I was walking and talking like normal again. And I’d already learned everything I had to learn – and shouted about it in that first article!

By this point I’d imagine you’re reading this and giving a knowing nod – I know, I know. I might have got a little carried away. But that’s okay, because at least I’ve realised it now. And I can re-evaluate what I can do to move forwards.

The first thing I will do is to never ever expect to be ‘done’. There’s still a lot ahead of me and I have no idea what’s up next. The reality is I’ve not done it before (thankfully). Every brain injury is as unique as the individual who experiences it and there are about a million different factors all contributing to make it that much more complicated.

But that also means there’s new things for me to conquer, and I do love a challenge. So, no more definitive statements saying I’m all better. I’ve been there and done that. This is more of an ongoing saga, sort of like Game of Thrones or Love Island (hopefully I’ve captured the majority of readers in those two buckets).

The second thing I’m going to do is continue to talk about recovering from brain injury. To whomever wants to listen. To whomever is interested, or even just enjoys me writing about it. If it’s helpful in any way I’m here for it. Because it definitely helps me to talk about it.

Turns out this tree is the gift that keeps on giving.

Nikki Cunningham is MD of Curious London