Next year at Cannes: an invitation-only session for programmatic traders with Sepp Blatter on media rebates?
Adland has never lacked the ability to delude itself, but we’re now at the stage where Cannes Lions has gone far beyond parody.
I’ve lost count of the times in the last two weeks when people have said to me: “So, I’ll see you in Cannes then…”. This was framed more as a question than a statement.
They won’t. I’m Johnny-no-mates.
Not…effin’…invited.
It would have been easier for me to wear a sandwich board saying “In case you’re wondering, the answer’s no. But have a good time anyway.”
Do I care? Not really. Even less so when I see the speaker list, and ponder the relevance of speakers like Monica Lewinsky, Kim Kardashian, Will.i.am (third year running, I think), Marilyn Manson, Lars Ulrich (the drummer from Metallica), Livia Firth (aka Mrs Colin Firth and maker of vastly over-priced but ethically sound clothing), Kenneth Branagh, Richard Curtis (wincingly described as a ‘filmmaker and humanitarian’) and hundreds more.
Last year it was David Hasselhoff.
This year, there’s three speakers all with the surname Collins.
But not Joan. She knows all about insight-led creativity from her seminal work for Snickers and Cinzano.
Or even Phil. I bet they’re gutted.
I’m now at the stage where I think Cannes is beyond parody.
Next year, an invitation-only session for programmatic traders with Sepp Blatter on ‘dark pools’ and how to hide media rebates.
I hear there’s a fellow called the Pope, billed as CCO of Catholics Unlimited (a hot new agency!), giving a talk on recruiting talent and the power of myth in storytelling.
Vladimir Putin is rumoured to be hosting a fireside chat on extending the national brand (case study: the Ukraine).
Or legendary leg-over man Dominique Strauss-Kahn to present the Cannes Glass Lion award for ads that promote women and break gender bias.
And dear old Phil Collins may pop over from his tax-exile in Switzerland to give a master class on how he ‘ideated’ that famous Cadbury’s ad and then donned the gorilla suit to play the drums.
Ok, enough fun already.
What bothers me is the way Cannes has spun out of control to become a behemoth out of touch with what it really should be doing. Instead of a showcase for brilliant advertising and thinking, it’s become a talk-fest where mountains of hot air are spewed forth and the disconnect with consumers grows ever-larger.
And as they splurge the expense account on the Croisette and gaze over the Med, how many delegates will be thinking about the migrants just a few hundred miles away on the Libyan coast? None. They’ll just be wondering whether the accounts department will sign off on that €250 bottle of wine.
The reason for the disconnect is that Cannes has become a vehicle through which the industry can give itself a huge collective pat on the back, convince itself of its cultural relevance and how it does good.
And how does it know that? Well, the likes of Al Gore, Natalie Imbruglia, David Guetta, Jamie Oliver and so on (all speaking), will tell them so. Indeed, their mere presence is testimony to this fact.
It’s obvious though: they’re all being paid thousands of dollars to pop over to Cannes and make nicey-nicey with adland. And besides, adland has the big bucks that they’re all chasing to fund their projects. No wonder they’re going to schmooze up to the moneybags.
Still, adland has never lacked the ability to delude itself.
There’s a tremendous piece on the Guardian Network by Tom Goodwin of Havas Media titled ‘What if Cannes celebrated the worst, not the best, of advertising?‘.
He talks, and I paraphrase here, about how Cannes celebrates ‘achievements’ that never actually touch the consumer.
Here’s some of what he said: “I’ve never met anyone who has seen a vending machine reward them for laughing, I’ve never walked through a door marked ugly, got a Coke from a drone, or been offered a crisp packet with my face on. I’ve never had a friend share their personalised film, I’ve not seen outdoor ads that are also street furniture or had an ATM give me a funny receipt. I’ve not received a magazine with a near field communication thing and I’ve not had a virtual reality experience outside advertising conferences. I’ve not once seen a member of the public 3D print anything. The one thing that binds together the more than 200 Cannes winners I’ve seen, is that they are ads only advertising people have a good chance of seeing. I’m not sure that’s what the industry should be about.”
Quite so. But there is a response to this from John Owen of Dare, a former colleague of mine and, I can testify, a highly thoughtful individual.
His argument is that Cannes is there to celebrate the extraordinary, and that it’s better to think of it as a source of inspiration, not as an example of the best work.
In this context, Owen argues, Cannes is more like haute couture fashion. Nobody buys the stuff on the catwalk, but it inspires the designers who work for the High Street brands, and thus the influence trickles down.
Hmm, well ok. Interesting.
I’m not sure that the influence does trickle down from Cannes, and I’d argue that the clients who now flock to Cannes are so seduced by the ideas they hear and see there – and swept up in the excitement generated by the celebs – that they don’t care about the High Street. They only care about looking cool in front of their peer set. A bit like their agencies, really.
Yet advertising derives its legitimacy – just as the High Street designers do – from the effect of its work on the mass market.
It is, if you like, a majority sport. Yet Cannes pretends it is a minority sport and turns it into a celebration.
So will I miss Cannes this year? Of course, and not just to laugh at its self-aggrandisement.
But I think that John Owen fella is free for a drink in Soho.
