Cannes, the FBI, yachts, TLAs (and desperate dad-vertising)

Hard as I’ve tried, it’s impossible not to write about Cannes. It’s like a blob that sits above the industry this week and blocks out nearly all discussion and debate about other stuff. But not entirely, if you read to the bottom.

But rather than tie it all together in one stream, here are a selection of random observations.

1. It is not exactly linked to Cannes, but the news – as revealed by Campaign last week – that the FBI is opening up a probe into media agency practices in the US will blight many attendees’ week.

If the FBI wanted to rain on the parade, the timing of the story was exquisite. But coming exactly two years after the ANA investigation, you could wonder why it’s taken them so long.

But the wheels of investigation run slow. Note, however, that the lead investigation for the ANA was undertaken by an outfit called K2, which has many ex-FBI staff on its books.

And how far does the reach of the FBI stretch? Well, remember it was the FBI that essentially did for Sepp Blatter and FIFA…

2. Talking of football, there’s a curious parallel between Publicis and the Spanish football team.

Earlier this summer, Spain football coach Julen Lopetegui asked his players not to get distracted by negotiating transfers before and during the tournament. Except that he was secretly negotiating with Real Madrid to become its new manager. When it leaked, he got the chop.

A year ago, incoming Publicis CEO Arthur Sadoun made a big splash by vowing that Publicis would withdraw from Cannes this year, with the money it normally spunked on the Croisette being invested instead on its AI platform Marcel. [advert position=”left”]

Only this self-imposed ban is not quite what it seems, because Sadoun will actually be in Cannes – to launch Marcel to a gawping public.

His leadership motto is clearly an odd one: ‘do what I say, not what I do.’

3. Still, Publicis’ semi-withdrawal from Cannes – note that, via partners and suppliers 399 Publicis pieces of work are in competition – makes life a bit easier for its rivals. In fact entries are down 21% on 2017 to 32,370.

But, unless you are Cannes Lions owner Ascential, every cloud has a silver lining: the lower the entry numbers, the better everyone else’s chances of winning.

4. More good news…NFI Cannes – the Shoreditch alternative. Those who find the whole Cannes shebang OTT/distasteful/a rip-off don’t have to go the south of France to find some fun and stimulating debate. As in 2017, those nice people at Rezonence are holding a Cannes refuseniks bash on this Wednesday (the 20th) in Shoreditch, the highlights of which include various debates and sessions on trust, fuelled by bottomless barrels of finest-quality wine.

Yours truly is hosting, and one of my tasks will be to hold the ring in a debate about the future of the agency model.

Prosecuting, so to speak, is Liberum City analyst Ian Whittaker, while GroupM’s Adam Smith will make the case for the defence.

There are still a few tickets left. Needless to say, Publicis staff are especially welcome.

5. Acronym launch pad. If you want to publicise a new acronym, Cannes is as good a place as any. And here’s a freshly-minted one: CMP. It’s not a typo and it stands for Consent Management Platform – obviously a GDPR-inspired move.

There are rumours, baseless I am sure, that the organisers of this particular session are nervous about its pulling power – who goes to Cannes to talk about GDPR? – so they are holding it on a yacht. Furthermore, there are rumours the yacht will, Hotel California-style, moor offshore: delegates can mentally check out, but they can’t leave.

6. Talking of yachts, there seem to be few signs that ‘yacht-luring hospitality’ at Cannes has reached its peak yet. This always puzzles me. Agency, media-owner and consultancy yachts are a synonym for opulence and excess (and yes, I’ve heard all the reasons they’re actually cheaper and more efficient) and yet these same ‘yachties’ are always pleading poverty.

When you hear suppliers boasting about their yachts, you always think ‘Hang on. If you’re so successful, where are your clients’ yachts?’.

7. Sorrell’s shadow: It’s the big ‘will-he, won’t-he?’ question of the week. Yes, I’m referring to SMS and his two booked appearances for Cannes week. One is with The Drum to discuss, of all things, leadership; the other is with writer Ken Auletta to discuss his new book Frenemies.

For all kinds of reasons both are must-attend sessions, not least because recent events add a certain piquancy to Sir Martin’s views on appropriate leadership styles and enemies.

Desperate dad-vertising

Father’s Day is done and dusted for another year, much to the regret of hard-pressed retailers no doubt, as well as media owners who get a small lift.

But judging by the ads, marketers hold a curiously old-fashioned view of fathers. Some might even say stereotypical, such was the volume of ads for: a) whiskey b) barbecue kit c) DVDs and box-sets of war films and d) all-purpose man-cave paraphernalia. You can see this played out in a compilation of Father’s Day ads compiled by Newsworks here. If I had the energy I’d complain to the ASA, which these days is hot on stereotyping.

But this ad by Boots/Oral-B marks a new low in desperate ‘dad-vertising’. A chuffin’ toothbrush. For heaven’s sake. If any of my children had given me a toothbrush I would, I think, shoot myself.