The Media Kill List
Writing about media all day, every day, can take its toll – but together, one step at a time, we can make it right. Please.
The language of love
Adtech has finally knocked French from the top spot of the sexiest language table – and we hope 2017 brings us adhorny media folk even more dynamic ad insertions, thorough integration of traffic systems and addressable segments.
Who cares what it even means when it’s so damn…jargony?
Things marketers think they can learn from but definitely can’t
Marketers have always wanted to hijack the Zeitgeist but nothing makes us grind our already worn down teeth more than insipid lists shared on social media giving marketers a selection of handy tips on what they can learn from a global event, fad or upcoming holiday season. We wish we were making these up.
5 things marketers can learn from Trick-or-treaters (how to knock on doors?)
5 things digital marketers can learn from Kanye West (how to rap?)
5 things marketers can learn from Pokemon Go (how to jump out of a Pokeball?)
5 things marketers can learn from Taylor Swift (how to sing?…sort of)
5 things marketers can learn from Man’s best friend (how to bark?)
10 things marketers can learn from Politicians (err…how to lie and cause wars?)
Here’s a valuable marketing lesson: not everything needs to be a marketing lesson.
Once upon a time…
…a brand told a story and nobody cared. The end.
Awards
What does this industry need more of? Apart from transparency, trust, better metrics, less fraud, less discrimination etc etc. Awards. There just aren’t enough bloody awards. There’s clearly a gap in the market for rewarding people with awards. The reward awards – including kooky photo booth and Z-list comedian.
As the Drum wisely states: “Winning awards can help raise your profile, instil trust and attract new business. Here at The Drum we know how to celebrate excellence. We know how to throw a party. But more importantly we know how to give great companies the recognition they deserve.”
Week…after week…after week…
Throw your money in here
Here is a black pit. Everyone is throwing their money into it. Don’t ask questions. Just throw your money in there too. Good boy! That’s the spirit. Now, make sure you come back with more money next time. And before you go, here is proof that throwing money into the black pit works. Take this proof back to your boss. What’s that? How did I prove that throwing money into the black pit works? Because I just told you, silly!
Misogyny
It’s been an excellent year for women in media. Even feminist icon Kevin Roberts declared that the gender debate is “fucking over“. Thank God.
And it’s nice to see it in action: whether it’s scantily-dressed women being used as conference marketing tools, to Government completely vetoing a minority ethnic woman from the Channel 4 board while approving all of the other candidates – which just so happened to be four white men – 2016 has definitely been a progressive belter.
At least the extra money makes it worth it.
New year, new you
Media guys: if you’re not wearing a blazer, boot-cut jeans and brown brogues, then you probably have no idea what you’re talking about. But if Theresa May and her £995 pair of Burberry leather trousers have taught us anything, it’s: Be bold. Be brave. Be you.
Businesspirational stories
LinkedIn has spawned a monster – and no, it’s not a super-recruiter.
The narcissistic altruist: that just-so-happens-to-look-like-a-model person who lands in your feed with a dubious-sounding ‘real life’ story that clumsily extracts a ‘business learning’.
No, Felicity from [m]edia-solutionz™, your conversation with 84-year-old Henry at the bus stop did not help you find a new meaning in your sales forecasts. You only bought his bus ticket so you could boast about it online and you’ve only gone viral because you have good teeth and hair. Poser.
Forever on-demand
We look forward to a future in which the Latest Must See Show That Everyone is Spoiling on Social Media™ is only available on a new VOD service that you don’t yet pay £8.99 a month for.
First it was Netflix to disrupt the pay-TV market, quickly followed by Amazon once it realised it didn’t need to pay any tax. Next it’ll be ASDA poaching shows from the BBC for its Smart Price VOD platform #GreatAsdaBakeOff.