Your first sociable review of the year
Greg Grimmer looks back at 2011 – Facebook’s ever-increasing IPO valuation, Stephen Haines’ move from Earlsfield to Monaco, the royal media wedding and the News of the World fiasco, right through to December’s silly season in Fitzrovia…
Is it really the end of the year again? Did I just sit through an ad break in The X Factor that put the Malt into Schmaltz?
Yes it’s that time of the year again when we can all look back at the failed endeavours of 2011 and look forward to another year of toil ahead in 2012.
And whilst my exorbitant MediaTel fee is paid for my worldly insight into the media world rather than my satirical wit and soothsaying abilities, I shall try and entertain you in hopefully your first review of the year.
So here we go, that was the year of our Lord 7 A.F. (After Facebook)
January
Big Media Factory 1 announce that they are putting social at the heart of the agency and re-name their search department The Social Agency.
Facebook’s latest IPO valuation is $40 billion. Stephen Haines is rumoured to be moving from Earlsfield to Fulham.
February
Yours truly goes to Palo Alto on a fact finding tour to Facebook HQ. The Lord Zuck blows me out for dinner in favour of some bloke called Obama. Foolish error Mark, I will be around for longer than four years. Nicola Mendelsohn of the IPA on the same trip breaks the world schmoozing record for continued glad-handing over a four day period.
March
New social agency, We Love Facebook, announce that they have revolutionised the paid, owned and earnt space by giving away clients’ products on their fan page. Facebook IPO valuation is now $60 billion. Stephen Haines is seen house-hunting in Kensington.
April
The social event of the year is the royal wedding of media glitterati David Pattison and Maxus CEO Lindsay Weedon. It is captured by millions on their tweets, news feeds and shared videos. The industry all took a month off to celebrate, commiserate, recover and then came back to work convinced the world will never be the same (or at least the year is going to be worse than they thought).
May
Big Media Factory 2 announce they are “sorting social” by setting up an agency brains trust and sending their top tier management team on an intensive training course in Silicon Valley to understand the new flexible f-commerce mobile economy.
Facebook’s IPO valuation is $70 billion. Stephen Haines is spotted talking to the Candy brothers about fan pages and Hyde Park penthouses.
June
Spotify announce that music is now social and people start listening to the same song at the same time. But despite constant efforts by wannabe DJ’s at HMDG creating ever more esoteric playlists, XFM still rules supreme as the analog social station of choice at the agency. Ed Chalmers buys half a shandy to celebrate.
July
Rupert Murdoch proves it is not always good to listen (to other peoples messages anyway) and the News of the World – the world’s best selling English language newspaper – is closed down. Outraged journalists tweet and blog about this issue incessantly, thereby negating the need for anyone to buy a newspaper or take out an iPad subscription. News Corporation decide this is a good time to bury bad news and let a number of talented commercial people take the blame.
August
The first social media riot and the Prime Minister (the one with a mobile phone) decrees that BBM is the root of all evil and that social media is a conversation that could be stopped. JD Sports, Dixons and Topshop are all suddenly patently aware of the power of social media.
September
Big phone company announce that they won’t be handling any customer services from their call centre and instead will be handling all enquires via their Twitter feed. Cue ‘Beaver Gate’ and a rethink of allowing human beings access to computers. Twitter’s latest round of funding is delayed but Facebook’s valuation is now $80 billion and the ever-smiling Haines is eyeing up Cotswold mansions.
October
The Facebook ‘f8’ conference brings together the developers and businesses who are building The Social Network.
Two major changes announced this year – the ‘timeline’ and ‘ticker’. Zuck describes the timeline as the ‘story of your life’. (If your life began in 2005.) Stephen Haines and other Facebook London lotharios are seen desperately cleaning up their online photo portfolio.
November
Award-winning creative agency Big, Broadcast, Heretics announce they have cracked the paid-owned-earnt conundrum by doing what they have always done… Their super social to super bullshit strategy is copied by every other Tom, Dick and Harriet agency with varying degrees of super failure.
December
PR Agency Bellend Potty Mouth decree that they can control social media – cue the twitterati making them top trending subject on social media in an uncontrolled stream of vitriol against lobbyists, PR and all things corporate.
Meanwhile the media world remember why they don’t work in the city or have proper jobs and start being sociable with each other for a few weeks… and the restaurateurs and bars owners of Fitzrovia decide that 2011 wasn’t so bad after all. Wall Street value Facebook’s IPO at $100 billion. Stephen Haines is seen talking to tax lawyers in Monaco.
Have a super social festive period and see you all in January (including at MediaTel’s The Year Ahead event on Jan 18) for next year’s predictions of the fads and foibles that will keep us all busy (and hopefully in gainful employment) for another year!