Finding happiness
Opinion
We all want happiness, but we must be able to differentiate between unhappiness and poor mental health — and they are not always the responsibility of our employers.
It would not be unreasonable for anyone to hope for happiness in 2025.
The ability to enjoy a sense of wellbeing and contentment is something that, in theory at least, is open to the majority of people. Indeed, many psychologists would go as far as to say that, on the whole, the achievement of happiness lies in our own hands.
Which is not to say that bad feelings like anger or sadness should be ignored. They are often entirely legitimate and need to be processed.
But, ultimately, each of us is in control of who we choose to spend time with and the choices we make to better serve our mental and emotional state.
Fostering workplace wellbeing
It is believed that our happiness typically derives from a sense that our life is meaningful and valued. We can all agree that when we manage to achieve such a positive state of mind, we can feel particularly energised and productive at work.
Which explains why so many companies now focus on the wellbeing of their people. In fact, companies prioritising employee satisfaction have been shown in research to outperform their peers by 2.3-3.8% annually in long-run stock returns.
Oxford and Harvard universities looked at 1,600 US companies and 15m employee surveys and found that companies with higher workplace wellbeing perform better on metrics including value, return on assets and profits. The 100 businesses ranked by employee wellbeing have outperformed both the S&P 500 and the Dow Jones by 20% since 2021.
The tricky part is that, while the achievement of happiness benefits employers, they cannot reasonably be responsible for producing it. All too often, events in life that cause us grief and sadness sit outside the workplace.
For example, the loss of family and friends, relationship breakdowns, past trauma and financial stress can all lead to feelings of melancholy, anguish and misery. They can be difficult to shake off and can affect our ability to concentrate and perform at work.
Our bosses and colleagues will be aware of and can possibly accommodate our lack of motivation to an extent, but whether we manage to achieve happiness in life is in our own hands.
Confusing language
I am picking up a growing trend to muddle the normal low mood associated with setbacks in life with clinical depression and anxiety.
It is easily done. Typical symptoms of clinical depression are described as a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest, and can affect daily activities such as sleeping, eating and working. Clinical anxiety is defined by excessive feelings of worry and persistent — even intrusive — thoughts about certain fears that go beyond normal responses to stressful situations.
These emotions are very similar to the way we feel when we are coping with grief or other kinds of loss. Indeed, we can feel so overwhelmed with sadness when we grieve that we become detached from life, leading to physical symptoms such as sleep problems, loss of appetite and withdrawal.
Mental health needs to be taken seriously and I do not want to minimise the important role that line managers and workplace culture can play in helping people manage any symptoms they are experiencing.
But there is a big difference between the natural mood swings we have as we navigate life and genuine medical conditions that can be much more difficult to recover from. These days, we often conflate the language ascribed to mental health disorders with the vocabulary used to describe simply feeling out of sorts.
I would go as far as to say that we live in an age that tends to over-medicalise moods and difficulties — and, even worse, we then expect our workplaces to fix them.
Loss of personal agency
Two changes happened during those Covid-19-related lockdowns that were mainly positive but seem to have caused a permanent and possibly inappropriate change in our relationship with work and expectations for happiness.
One was that a huge focus was put on the wellbeing of people working at home. The second was that the lines between work and home life became blurred.
Employers took responsibility for the wellbeing of their people in ways that were unprecedented. Whether it was Aviva concerning itself with the increased threat of domestic abuse to its employees and customers or Hermes appointing mental health ambassadors to support colleagues, businesses stepped up to the unique challenge of the pandemic. Companies put in place extraordinary measures for extraordinary times.
However, this seems to have had the unintended consequence of creating a greater sense of helplessness and a quasi-parent-child relationship between employers and their people with respect to wellbeing.
Unreasonable adjustments
I have talked to many leaders who tell me that people now attribute many of their feelings of happiness, or lack thereof, to the conditions of their workplace.
Unhappiness is all too often blamed on workload or rooted in work. In the last week, I heard about a member of staff who told their line manager they couldn’t come to a meeting because they “had to go to a spin class or their mental health would suffer”. And another who needed a couple of days off work because “they had split up with their partner and were sleeping badly”. These are only anecdotes, but they speak to me of a profound lack of understanding about the nature of an employment contract.
It is important in any workplace that good relationships between line managers and their teams are encouraged, so that honest conversation can take place. It is the basis upon which we are able to foster the trust that allows flexible working arrangements to work.
It is also reasonable to hope for kindness and understanding from our colleagues when we are experiencing strife. But it is unreasonable to expect the endless accommodation of our feelings.
Yes, we may be feeling sad or out of sorts because we have been upset by something, but feeling miserable doesn’t entitle us to time off work. In fact, knuckling down on work may be a helpful way of taking our mind off.
For line managers who want to be more confident about understanding the difference between unhappiness and poor mental health, and how best to respond, I would recommend taking the very accessible Mental Health First Aider qualification provided by Mental Health First Aid England.
And for those of you who, like me, strive to be happy, here are six tips provided by the NHS:
>> Manage your stress levels by taking control of your time and ensuring you have time to yourself
>> Do things you enjoy
>> Boost your self-esteem by treating yourself as you’d treat a valued friend, in a positive but honest way
>> Pursue a positive lifestyle by limiting your alcohol intake, choosing a well-balanced diet and doing some exercise — all of which will help you sleep better
>> Talk to friends, family and/or a counsellor and share what is troubling you
>> Build your resilience so you are able to cope with life’s ups and downs
Jan Gooding is one of the UK’s best-known brand marketers, having worked with Aviva, BT, British Gas, Diageo and Unilever. She is now an executive coach and is also chair of Pamco and Utopia. She writes for The Media Leader each month.