We tell stories for a living — but ignore this one at work

This column contains stories about baby death that some readers may find upsetting. 

Opinion

Media leaders love to talk about workplace culture, but grieving parents are still being sidelined. Baby loss isn’t rare — our silence about it should be.

The name Ottilie is all the rage.

Like Margot and Maeve, Ottilie is massively trending upwards in the Office for National Statistics name rankings — up a whopping 791 places since 2012. I’d never even heard of the name until five years ago (being a north-west London oik), but Ottilie is now among Britain’s top 100 noms (it’s French, tu sais).

Names are powerful because they carry informational baggage: connotations, associations and flavour. We understand this deeply in media and marketing; names are the cornerstone of any brand.

Last week, I came across another one: Ottilie Eve Ingram.

Her story is important. Especially now.

Breaking the silence

Ottilie’s mother, Katie Ingram, is director of Advertising Week Europe and former trade and marketing director of the Evening Standard.

Over a 25-year career in media, Ingram has navigated an industry that’s evolved from faxing TV schedules to algorithm-driven advertising, all while facing personal battles most people never speak about. Infertility. IVF.

At 39 weeks, Ingram went to hospital for an induction. A new parent, she and her husband had packed the car seat, arrived at the hospital at 7am, ready for some routine scans before the Big Event was due to unfold.

Then things happen that you fear more than anything as a new parents. Concerned looks.

“At 7:30, I was scanned at the bedside. It was a confused, unreadable look on the face of the doctor and the midwife,” Ingram recalls.

“By 7:40, I heard the words: ‘I’m sorry your baby doesn’t have a heartbeat.’ They couldn’t work out why. No-one was pressing a big red button; no-one was rushing to help us. There didn’t seem to be an emergency.

“And then it dawned on me: it was too late. My baby had died.”

There are no words

It took 10 minutes to confirm the worst had happened.

But it would be several hours before Ottilie Eve Ingram would finally be born. Stillborn.

Watching Ingram describe her experience at New Digital Age’s International Women’s Day lunch last week, I selfishly began thinking about my own experience as a new parent nearly five years ago.

I remembered something I’d long forgotten: I was constantly dreaming up worst-case scenarios when my wife was pregnant with our daughter. How the hell would I cope, let alone be strong enough to support her, if something like that happened?

As someone who deals in words for a living, I can only offer this: there is no language for this kind of grief.

That’s part of the problem. And it needs to change.

But there are names

And yet the name matters.

Parents want to hear their child’s name. They want their child’s existence to be recognised, even if their time was cut unbearably short.

Because the harsh reality is that Ottilie Eve Ingram’s experience is closer to normal than what you or I have lived through. Most human beings throughout history have either died while inside their mother’s body or as babies due to malnutrition or infection.

Unfortunately, scandalously, this is the norm in our existence. Around the world, it’s still so awfully common today.

And yet, so many people shy away from this. They don’t want to “bring up bad memories” or “make things worse”.

But you’re not reminding them of their loss. They haven’t forgotten.

You’re reminding them that their child mattered. That their grief is real.

A chance to lead

Katie Ingram isn’t asking for sympathy. She’s asking for change.

For too long, pregnancy and baby loss have been treated as private tragedies that employees are expected to endure in silence. A few days off, maybe some flowers, then back to work as if nothing happened.

That isn’t support. That’s implicit coercion.

There has been some progress. Proposed policies advocating for two weeks of bereavement leave after a miscarriage are a step in the right direction. But policies alone aren’t enough. Workplace culture needs to shift.

Employers must create environments where grieving parents feel safe talking about their experiences without fear of judgement or professional repercussions.

Katie Ingram’s experience with the Evening Standard — where she felt supported through her loss — should be the rule, not the exception.

This means acknowledging loss, training managers on how to respond and ensuring employees feel truly supported, not just tolerated.

Every company in our industry should be preoccupied with this, with leaders setting the tone.

What to do

I wouldn’t have heard Katie Ingram’s story if it were not for International Women’s Day.

Happily, she went on to have another child. But it doesn’t erase the loss; nothing could. She continues to advocate for baby-loss awareness and support. To learn more, you can listen to Nurture co-founder Gemma Greaves’ Are You Sitting Uncomfortably? podcast.

Some other practical steps:

• Educate ourselves. Learn about pregnancy and baby loss, which are not a niche tragedy — half of UK adults are affected. Understand the statistics, the realities and the emotional toll. The charities Tommy’s and Sands are excellent resources.
• Advocate for workplace policies. If your company doesn’t have clear guidelines for supporting employees through pregnancy or infant loss, push for them. It’s not a “nice to have”. It’s necessary.
• Change how we respond. If someone in your life has experienced baby loss, acknowledge it. Don’t say: “At least…” Don’t try to “fix” their grief. Just be there. Say their child’s name. Let them lead the conversation.

No matter what they tell you, this matters now more than ever.

Omar Oakes was founding editor of The Media Leader and continues to write a column as a freelance journalist and communications consultant for advertising and media companies. He has reported on advertising and media for 10 years and was previously media and tech editor of Campaign. His column on The Media Leader was nominated for the BSME’s B2B Column of the Year in 2024.